The Power of Words: Are you saying “no problem”?

By Cynthia Lasher

Words have power to build us up or tear us down. You hear a lot about bullying children through unkind language. Have you considered how your own passive language patterns affect emotionally vulnerable adults? Are you in the habit of saying “no problem” instead of saying “you’re welcome”? Why does this matter? Isn’t saying “no problem” the same as saying “I was happy to help”? Actually, it is not the same thing because a person in crisis is in the midst of many problems.

The power of words is directly related to the listener’s emotional state. This means a person who feels secure can listen to thoughtless comments and put them into a broad perspective. A strong person realizes that the speaker is careless or ignorant or prejudiced and the speaker is the one who –doesn’t know what he is talking about. 

Consider the response to the same words by a person in a vulnerable emotional state. To a child or a person experiencing emotional crisis, the harsh or thoughtless words ring true. Unkind words spoken to children can affect their self-worth forever. 

Imagine for a minute that you have just experienced a terrible life crisis. You’ve lost your job, your house was foreclosed and now you have nowhere to go. How would you say that you feel? Do you have problems? Yes. Your whole life is a series of problems. You are emotionally vulnerable. 

Now imagine that you are a sensitive friend, or you work with the homeless or the unemployed. You reach out to help someone in need. The person says thank you. You naturally respond with “no problem.” You were not thinking that the listener’s every thought revolves around a problem. Your intended meaning “I was happy to help” or “you are welcome.” The emotionally vulnerable listener didn’t hear it that way. Your comments are now interpreted as either “it was nothing” or “your problems aren’t so bad.” You have insensitively indicated to this person that you don’t think that their problems are so important. Or maybe she feels that she can’t even handle a crisis that you solve without even a care.

Think about what you say and say what you mean. When someone thanks you for solving one of their problems, make sure you respond with “you are welcome” or even better “I was happy to help.”